The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
