hotel room ftw
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
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