You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
