right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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