im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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