woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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