I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Lo siento on account of my penis...
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
