yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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