she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
