But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
did i walk over a car last night?
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
