she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
