I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I think I am morally bankrupt
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
