Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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