we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
