In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Alive.
So much puke
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
