I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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