you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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