What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
