how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Randomize
