He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
