best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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