I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
