I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
