So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
