You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
