I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Randomize
