i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
