rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
