Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
