but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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