Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
