peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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