I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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