Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
