If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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