I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
