she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
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i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
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Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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