the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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