I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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