So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
