I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
