i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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