At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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