I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Randomize
