I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
She's like a pop up book from hell.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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