So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
