I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
