so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
