I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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