which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
