The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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