WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
