Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
