If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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