He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
