# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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