She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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