Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
