I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
