she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
