i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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