sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
