God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
