I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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