ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
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